by Steven Doyle
There is a famous poem by William Carlos William that discusses purloined plums that sat in an ice box eaten at their prime by a remorseful significant other. It has been said that not much thought went into this very brief poem admittedly by William, but you can sense the remorse in the words that the plums were so delicious that he no doubt wished he had shared the experience.
Following is the original 1936 poem, followed by an imagined chef’s rendition. What we want you to do as an amazing contest is to think of a chef or a restaurant in Dallas or Fort Worth and write what they might say in this poem. Anyone can enter, including said chefs. Write your poem in comments.
The winner will receive a giant stack of new foodie books, at least ten in total. A panel of craveDFW judges will award the prize based on wit or charm, or a combination of both. ALSO, Jasper Russo at Sigel’s Beverages said that he will add a bottle of Neyers Cabernet AME 2009 for the winner of the contest. $80 value. Good luck!
I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold Here is how we imagine the same poem going down for the owners of Pecan Lodge: I have eaten The sausages That were in the smoker And which Many people Are waiting in line for Forgive me They were delicious And spicy And so warmGood luck!
still life by Brunella Neri
I’m plum tired of this f*cking snow.
I have eaten
Exotic items
Flown from faraway lands
Taken from jungles, deserts, mountain tops
And delivered to our shores and sands
Forgive me
For they delight the palate
Drive you out of your mind
They are how great meals are defined
Truffles, caviar, and even foie gras
One taste will have you utter,
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
My ode to the culinary hip hop chef, Chef Dat
I ate
the best burger
as told by crave
and Off Site Kitchen
is now in my belly
forgive me
it was delicious
so warm
so juicy
go get your own
I have
eaten the Pho
leftover from
last night
when we went
to Da Lat
Khaaaaaaaaanh!
I have eaten the que
That you were
Too damn lazy
To cue up for.
It was delicious.
I know. I cooked it.
Fuck you,
Fuck you very much.
Jack Perkins
I have eaten
the pizza
because you
were late
Cane Rosso tastes better
when I eat
the whole thing
You ate my plum
You lousy bum
I was going to make a tart
You ate my plum
You rotten scum
Have you no heart
But I forgive
You miserable sot
Because I hid
An apricot.
So now I’ll bake
My apricot tart
And put it on
My pastry cart.
Which I will hide from
You (you old fart)
: )
I have eaten
the marrow
roasted
sweet
thick on my tongue.
I spread it violently
without regret
on toasted slices of bread
and thought
maybe I’ll have another.
Forgive me
for leaving a trail of bones
and fernet tears of joy
on my way out.
(Roasted bone marrow. Boulevardier)
I have eaten
the brisket
that was rubbed
with beans of Coyote
which was intended
to tickle my fancy.
Forgive me
I savored it greatly
so tender
and juicy.
(A poem to The Slow Bone brisket)
Sure I ate
the plums
and the left over
steak from Nick and Sams
but I also ate
the one slice
we had left
from Serious
it was big
and it is true
I ate
the dumplings
from Tanoshii
and the half eaten
sandwich from Jimmy’s
and the growler from Luck
and the flowers from FT33
but you probably
didn’t notice the missing
lobster left from Al Biernat’s
and the chicken from Sissy’s
or the enchilada from Komali
we have got to stop eating out so much
I am full
I have eaten
the doughnuts
that were
at Glazed
and which
your NY resolution
says you can’t have.
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so full of calories
I have eaten
the Monkey King
you drove
in the snow to get
and which
you abandoned
to take a call
Forgive me
it was delicious
so comforting
in this awful weather
I mysteriously ate
all the fries
at the bottom of the bag
on the way home
from Whataburger
I only ate the ones
that fell to the bottom
unfortunately it was
all of them
they were so warm
and salty
and tasted good
with your chicken sandwich
I drank
the Mambo Taxi
that you left
at the bar
while answering your phone
to speak to your ex-girlfriend
no need to forgive me
it had lots of tequila
and it was cold
I also left
with the guy next to me
please pay the tab
You ate my plums?
what the hell
were you thinking, child
My name is Sneaky Sue,
I’m terrible, mean and vicious
I steal all the cashews from the mixed-nut dishes…
I eat all the icing but won’t touch the cake,
Only leaving finger prints of my mistake,
And what ya won’t give me I’ll go ahead and take,
I love to gobble up the cherries from everyones drinks,
And whenever there is sausage, i
I eat a dozen links,
I guess thats pretty awful but what can I do?
Did ya forget I’m a sneaky Sue…
I eat well…
I love this
Oh look, it’s Susan Pepper Way, the Dallas thief prostitute who is at least honest for a change in her erudite poem. Can’t afford to buy your own way, huh?
I have eaten
the kale
that were in
your salad
cause which
you were hoping
praying
in a smoothie
Get over it
it’s only kale
so delicious
and so nutritious
Visionary visit to Raw Food & Juice
I have eaten
1/16 of a fish
with my hands
There are no sporks
The next aisle
Nuts in a paper cup
Apple juice
Slaw
Heading to check out with three pounds of nuts
I stop for a cracker
Forgive me
I only needed toilet paper
I have Chowchowed
the Oyster
that was in
your Taco
as that
Honey-fried
Popover
Friseed my
Bread and Butter
and Sweet Tamale
Forgive me
you Dirty, Deviled
Potlicking
Sonofabitch
But she was a
Freeto-lay
Prickly Pear
That needed to be
Waygued
Ode to Stampede66
We have winner(s). The committee that was assigned to select today’s winner had a difficult task. The vote was so close that they decided to SPLIT the prizes since there are two. One winner gets the valuable and tasty wine, and the other gets the box of delightful foodie books we have been hoarding. Here is how they decided (and I had no vote):
Markie Mark gets the books and Nicole T receives the wine from Sigel’s. We will notify the winners via email and inform them how to pick up their loot.
THANK YOU for playing. Many more fun contests coming. We have enormous prizes set for this year.