Toni,
Can you help us married men for a change? My wife and I just celebrated our first anniversary. When we were dating, we had sex everyday, and now that we’re married, we might have it twice a week if we’re lucky. What happens to sex when couples get married, and how can we bring it back?
Sexless Stan
Stan,
Premarital sex vs. marital sex is the age-old debate.
Most men’s biggest fear about getting married is that their wife will stop having sex with them. In my opinion, this fear has lead to an increase in the amount of career-bachelors prowling the modern dating world, and the reason behind so many divorces in this country.
I think most men would agree that they prefer quantity over quality, whereas women are all about the quality. Men are always in the mood, or at least their desire is piqued fairly easily. Women need emotional lube.
Dirty clothes on the floor, trashcans filled to the rim, and crusty dishes in the sink, can set a woman off, and the first way they retaliate is by denying their husbands in the bedroom. A denied man isn’t a happy man. This unhappiness can turn into resentment and worse case scenario, cheating.
I propose the Modern Sex Prenup for couples about to get married or already married and having problems with their sex life.
All Texans know that a prenup protects property during a marriage or in the event of a divorce. So why not protect the sex?
The Modern Sex Prenup ensures that the husband’s physical needs and the wife’s emotional needs are both met.
Your wife’s Sex Prenup would look a little like this:
I wife agree to perform my wifely duties of having sex at least five times a week, _____________, and ______________, as long as husband performs his husbandly duties of emptying the trash, ________________, and _______________. And in the event that one of us doesn’t perform our duties, we have to make it up to each other by _______________, _____________________, or _________________.
Times have changed, both spouses are working, and there aren’t enough hours in the day to get things done. Each person needs to make a conscious effort and put the other person first. Sex can either bond or break a marriage. It takes two for both to work properly.
Luck & Love,
Toni
And if its the MAN with the low libido? And he won’t negotiate?
Hey! What about the sexually deprived women? At the most, my ex wanted sex no more than twice PER MONTH. We would go for months with no sex. Shoot, the last time I had sex we had a white President.
And, yes, we tried counseling. I tried everything the counselors, doctors, etc., said to do. Nada. The only thing left to do was say “Buh-bye.”
Katy & Single 2.0–Sorry, you girls are exactly right. It does happen the other way around as well. It’s not as common, but I think when a guy has a low libido there’s something bigger going on.
L&L
toni
Thanks, Toni.
Indeed there was something bigger going on over which I had no control. It was difficult enough going through so much heartache and rejection, without outsiders blaming me. How could they know? Toni, I appreciate your care & concern. Thank you for being very caring and insightful, unlike the idiots who blamed the woman.
Is this what you meant? See #3
pique
–verb (used with object)
1. to affect with sharp irritation and resentment, especially by some wound to pride: She was greatly piqued when they refused her invitation.
2. to wound (the pride, vanity, etc.).
3. to excite (interest, curiosity, etc.): Her curiosity was piqued by the gossip.
A real prenup is enforceable in a court of law. Where would a sex prenup be enforced? The problem in most relationships is that they don’t adhere to the agreements they already made or as shown above, not willing to negotiate or change.
Stan doesn’t say what’s been tried or even if he’s talked to his wife. Find out what she wants, tell her what you want and work together to create the conditions that will create the circumstances you both want. You may not get the everyday back but you may get more frequently.
Scott–thanks for the correct spelling. That’s what I get for writing at 1am. Sounds like you know what a woman thinks, more than a woman herself. Every contract, verbal or written can be broken. It’s up to both parties to honor their promises.
Scott: A little error in editing. Keep that eagle eye focused on craveDFW.
Sorry, Toni!
I’m afraid that Sexless Stan may be a little prone to exaggeration. If he is having sex twice a week that does not make him “sexless”, unless of course, he is alone at the time. Come on Stan grow up!