Photo by Steve Visneau
Toni
My fiancé and I are getting married in less than a month. Normally, we mess around a little before we go to bed, but lately he started bringing sex toys (nipple clamps) into the mix. I’m a virgin and he’s not, so this kind of thing bothers me a bit. I’m not a prude, but at the same time I’m just not ready to do certain things when we haven’t even had sex yet. Maybe once we do, I’ll feel comfortable enough to experiment, but right now I’m not. I’m starting to think there’s another sexual side to him that I don’t know about. How do I handle this before I say, “I do?
Virgin Bride
Virgin Bride,
I’m pretty sure your fiancé slipped up with his buddies and told them that you’re a Big V. They’ve probably scared the heck out of him, and now he’s getting cold feet.
A single man’s biggest fear is that the woman he marries will stop having sex with him.
You sound like you’re an everything-but virgin, so obviously you should know whether you guys are sexually compatible. Marriage isn’t all about sex, however, it’s a crucial component.
My friend’s mother once told me that sex is therapy to a marriage. Sex can tell you whether your partner has had a bad day, if your partner is holding something back, and if something’s wrong. Sex is the bond between two people, and it’s its own language.
If you tell your partner “no,” this breaks your bond and your partner feels rejected. I realize that you guys haven’t had sex yet, but this same rule applies to you. I understand that some sexual things are deal breakers, but nipple clamps are harmless for the most part.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is: DON’T SAY NO TO THE NIPPLE CLAMPS!
Men only hear the word “NO” and thus, you’ll be confirming his worst fear, that he’s marrying a prude.
Try The Modern Golden Rule: Give them a try first. Then tell him how much you enjoyed them and now you want to spread the pleasure. Take that clamp and attach it to his nipple. He’ll wish he never bought them.
Guys respond more to actions than words and explanations. Once he feels the pain his S&M adventures will come to an abrupt stop. If not, bring out the ball gag and whip.
Luck & Love,
Toni
Is there anyway to filter this kind of content? I’m no prude but – I follow the CraveDFW blog for all the excellent updates on restraunts, foodie events, etc… Content like this seems completely unrelated.
GEL-thanks for reading. I realize I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but my whole goal with this column is to write about what’s really going on in current relationships. Please feel free to get involved if a topic concerns you or if you’d prefer, just continue to keep up with the great articles on food, arts, and events.
Thanks,
Toni
Thank you for your comment GEL, we sent you a personal note to the email address you left for us. -editor
Great article…..I like your advice and as a dude I was digging your article until the last part…..but you are RIGHT! You have to be willing to do something you are asking your partner to do…..as for GEL, noone forced you to read the article. In the future when you see something is about a relationship and not a restaurant, STOP reading and click on another article.
Larry-thanks for backing me up. I was scared that I was gonna get hate mail from all the males. I’d make a bet that you’re in a healthy relationship.
L&L
Toni
Here’s my advice to Virgin Bride: If you can’t talk to your guy about your feelings then you aren’t ready for marriage. Why can’t you have a conversation with him stating exactly what you said in the letter, that you aren’t ready for toys but that doesn’t mean you’ll never be ready? Tell him. He’ll tell you how he feels and so on and so on. You may have nothing to worry about once you communicate. The End.
TLS–You’re completely right. Unfortunately, there are tons of women that have a hard time communicating with their guy. I get so many questions wondering what guys really think on so many subjects. Thanks for reading.
L&L
T
T – I know the bride-to-be in question must feel seriously about this, and though I don’t wish to trivialize her dilemma, I’m dying laughing over the inquiry and your response!!! I couldn’t agree more with your idea on how to handle the situation; thanks for the hilariously entertaining column this week 🙂
A–Thanks mama! Sometimes we have to rely on humor when we’re going through tough stuff. I prefer feeling around in the dark, and laughing my way through until I find a glimpse of light.
L&L
T
Toni & “Editor” –
Thank you both for your replies.
I’d like to point out to everyone that I simply asked about a way to filter – when something like this pops up on my blog list – I don’t always know if one of my daughters might stumble across it or not when playing on the iPhone. I certainly wasn’t critizing Toni’s column or even this particular article.
GEL–We definitely understand your concern & in the future we’ll only include the title along with the Ask Toni picture. Thanks for writing in.
You are dead on with your advice… But I would of told my guy that if he tried the nipple clamps first, then I would. That would be the end of that. Love your advice. I want my two girls to start reading you articles, there are just somethings a mom can’t say to her daughters. Keep up the good work.
Cher–Thanks for reading. As a daughter myself, I prefer getting my relationship/sex advice from another source. A child, no matter how old never wants to imagine their parents doing it.