State of the Dog Report

by Steven Doyle

Last evening some of the guys from the crave office, including one Mr. David Donalson who scored tickets for us,  decided to make a pilgrimage to the Ballpark at Arlington to take in America’s Pastime and soak up a few rays of sun among the beating crowd of thousands. This would be a culinary night off, and we resisted all temptation to speak to people about anything besides beer or baseball.

As we made our way into the park we made way to the closest Beer Of The World booths that sell the better beers for 9 bucks for 24 ounce draft. This may seem like a tidy sum of loot for a draft beer at a ball park, but we are often reminded of one ill-fated summer when the Cleveland Indians played the Texas Rangers deciding to offer ten cent beer June 4th, 1974.  Jump for this one, it’s a doozy. 

Early in the game the Rangers took on a 5-1 lead against the Indians. The crowd was rowdy to say the least, with a woman running onto the filed showing her breasts ala Morganna, with another man streaking the crowd. Something about cheap draft beer gets a crowd naked.

Ranger Mike Hargrove was pelted with hot dogs while another Ranger, Fergie Jenkins was pummeled in the belly by a line drive stirring the crowd to cheer “hit em again!’ repeatedly.

Then there was the riot.

Someone snagged Jeff Burrough’s ball cap, causing then manager Billy Martin to think burrough’s was attacked. It was on. Every manner of debris was tossed onto the field, the bases were pulled up and stolen, and the game was eventaully forfeited to the Rangers.

A soon-to-be-famous person attended the game that night, newscaster Tim Russert who later was asked how the game was. He replied “I went with $2 in my pocket, you do the math.”

Largest Annoyance Of Our Evening

With that said, we watched our game with in peace with nothing more annoying than a single fan blowing a Vuvuzela. Last night the Rangers took the game with a 7-3 win and as the game came closer to ending we felt a bit peckish and made our way back for another beer and a dog. As fate would have it last night was dollar dog night.

As we ordered the dollar dog we soon realized it wasn’t the same dog that was plied with freshly grilled onions and jalapenos. No this was the anemic dog that the Rangers never sell. It is reserved for just such a night in cold storage then later bathed in boiling water and plopped onto a dried out bun.

Bacon-Wrapped Beauty

We decided to order a good bacon-wrapped dog with the onion treatment and one of the buck dogs to compare. The bacon-wrapped dog was simply amazing, one of the better dogs in recent memory.

The dollar dog not so much. It had a green tint to it, perhaps in honor of the recent film The Green Hornet.

Artist Rendering of Green Hornet Dollar Dog

We deftly maneuvered the dog onto the condiment table and wolfed it down sadly staring at the dollar dog. We took one for the team and doused this one in a large amount of mustard and onion.

I will give it to the promoters, the dog tasted exactly like a one dollar dog should.


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Filed under Bacon, Ballpark at Arlington, beer, Crave, nipple clamps, Party!, Steven Doyle

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