Ask Toni

Photo by Steve Visneau


I recently ended a 4-year relationship.  I started dating again and met a girl that I really like, but I’m not ready for a commitment.  I’m not sure what to do because I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to jump into another relationship.  I think I could go out and meet new people, but just not tell her about it.  What do you think?

On the Prowl Paul


The truth is if you really liked this girl, you’d want to be with her and just her.

I think your problem is a problem that most men have.  They’re dating someone they aren’t too sure about, but they’re afraid this is the best they can do, so they stay in the relationship, and wait until better comes along.

I will say this now and will keep saying it, “When you first meet someone, let them know who you are, where you’re at in life, and what you want in the future.”

If you’ve been dating this new girl less than a month, you need to let her know that you want to date other people.  Tell her that you still want to see her, but at this point in your life, you aren’t ready for a commitment.  But if it’s been more than a month, chances are she’s not going to continue seeing you.  If she’s a self-respecting girl, she’ll think that you’re trying to have your cake and eat it too.

There’s nothing wrong with dating a few people at the same time.  Here are 5 simple rules to follow in order to be successful at it:

1.     Let all the girls you’re dating know that you’re dating other people.

Otherwise, you’re a cheater.  Nothing’s worse than a guy who meets a girl and tells her that he’s in an open relationship, when he’s not.

2.     Don’t invite sex into any of the relationships.

This is the hardest part and where men usually go wrong.  Having sex with one isn’t fair to the others.  Trust me, no city is that big.  Women like to talk and eventually someone’s going to find out.  So put it away until monogamy.

3.     Don’t say, “I love you” to anyone.

If you truly loved someone, you wouldn’t be enticed to date other people.  Save it for when you mean it. 

4.      Refrain from dating any of their friends or co-workers.

There are plenty of women out there.  You don’t need to date friends or co-workers.  It’s in bad taste.  And you’ll be branded with the scarlet “D” for Douchebag.  That’s permanent in case you were wondering.

5.      Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Like most good things, everything comes to an end.  Girls like to think-themselves-to-death.  Eventually, this will get old.  Don’t make promises to keep them, if you aren’t going to follow through.

Luck & Love,



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4 responses to “Ask Toni

  1. This is a good blog. Keep up all the work. I too love to this site. This is great everybody sharing opinions. Magnificent post, very informative. You must continue your writing. I’m confident, you have a great readers’ base already!

    • Toni

      Hi Russ. Thanks for the support!!! Keep reading & fill free to email me if I can ever give you some advice. L &L Toni

  2. Cristin

    Great advice, Toni — as always! Another trap I have seen my over-30/ready-to-commit guy friends fall into is meeting and dating a great girl, that the guy knows will be a great wife/mother of his children, but for which he doesn’t feel any “spark.” He knows – intellectually – that the girl is someone he should WANT to commit to, so he continues to date her for months, trying to see if that spark develops. The girl starts to think that he is serious about her b/c they have been dating for 3 months (and usually having sex as well) . Not fair to the girl — if you’re not sure, keep it casual (and out of the bedroom). You’re wasting your time and hers . . . not to mention possibly breaking her heart.
    Keep up the great columns and advice, Toni!

    • Toni

      Hi Cristin. Thanks for your support. You are exactly right. I see this happen all the time and it’s a shame for everyone involved, because it usually ends poorly.

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