I recently met this guy and since then we’ve been out on a few dates. When we’re alone he’s wonderful and attentive, but whenever we’re out in public I can’t keep his attention. He constantly scans the room while I’m speaking, and he’s not even aware of what I’m saying. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong to make him behave this way. I’ve tried switching seats so that I’m the one facing the door, but it didn’t help much. We haven’t been dating long so I don’t know if this is something that will eventually stop, but right now its driving me nuts and making me feel so insecure. I really like him, but I just can’t keep vying for his attention. How can I fix this?
It appears as though this is the first time you’ve dealt with this type of situation. Otherwise, if it was a common occurrence I would’ve suggested pepping up your stories a bit. Usually, the best way to keep a guy interested in a girl conversation is to use the ADD approach–make it fast, make it interesting, and use entertaining hand gestures. If you lost him in the first twenty seconds, then you lost him for good.
But unfortunately, this isn’t your problem. Trust me when I say, “it’s not you. It’s him.”
What you’re dealing with isn’t that easy to fix. In fact there isn’t a legal pill on the market to cure it. BBD (Bigger Better Deal) is a sexually transmitted mental disease and for the most part it’s incurable. There are some cases where it has gone into remission, but it’s rare.
More than likely this is how the disease was contracted: An average guy with an average life has a close encounter with a girl way out of his league. Maybe he even slept with her, but whatever–it didn’t last. He has built this experience up in his head and won’t rest until he tops it, but the BBD guy is never happy. No matter who the girl is, he always thinks he can do better. It doesn’t start off that way, but it eventually ends up that way.
In the beginning he’s enamored, but once that wears off he’ll slowly start picking you apart. At first he might suggest a new hairstyle. Then he’ll graduate to picking out your clothes. And finally, he’ll dare to pinch an inch and suggest that you workout a little harder. Keep in mind that he’s not aware of his own flaws.
This guy is more work than he’s worth. Do yourself a favor–pick someone that only has eyes for you and not every waitress and attractive passerby. In other words–DUMP HIM!
2 responses to “Ask Toni: The Modern Case of BBD”
I agree. You have just started to date. He should be hanging on your every word. You should be the only person he see in that room. If he can’t take the time to focus on you while your relationship is still new, just imagine how he will treat you in 35 years.
Cher– you’re the best. I need to have an interview session with you one day. You have valuable stuff to share w/women!