Fun With The Royals

Kate is not the daughter of Mr. Bean

by Steven Doyle

By now the delightful royals are off in a chain of celebrations after publicly displaying their love and affection. Crave has been eerily silent on the whole William and Kate debacle going on across the pond and today and we feel that we have underserved our readers, even slighted a few by not coming up with some type of report for the auspicious day. After all, we have many friends that awoke pre-dawn to partake in the ceremony in their own way. Most in bed while munching royal cupcakes, a few actually took flight to the United Kingdom.

In an attempt to bridge this lack of royal love (and a friend suggested I might have Kate-envy) we sent our dedicated research department flying across the internet to find the perfect bit of memorabilia so that we too can say we were part of this regal event so many years from now.

Take a jump to see what they came up with!  

For those with poor taste in beer but cannot get enough of that darned Kate, you can sip a bottle of what we are sure is a delicious beer crafted by Nottingham, England’s Castle Rock Brewery.

What beer is complete with out a pizza delivered at 4am just in time to watch the couple exchange vows as you wipe tomato sauce from your best linen. We only pray that Will’s suit was made of pepperoni to match his fleshy Canadian bacon forhead. Cane Rosso, get with the program!

Not knowing exactly which prince was to marry Kate, this Chinese mug-maker went with the more handsome of the two. Everyone loves a ginger, right? Right family, wrong brother.

So the thought of waking up to pizza and beer gave you the royal willies? Start your day off with a great breakfast with these Kate flakes, or sow your royal oats with a box of $16 Will’s O’s – a delicious bowl of colorful Cheerio-like circles that will please the whole family.

If you are like us you will be a wee bit frisky after the wedding. To prevent future Wills and Kate’s in your life we suggest the royal prophylactic.

Contest: For enduring our poke at the royals, count the number of times we said ‘we’ in this article. The first correct answer wins a $50 gift certificate.