Toni,
My girlfriend and I recently broke up after four and a half years together. She was in school and I was working on my career when we first met. In the beginning, she told me that she wanted to get married before she graduated. We were young and I was reluctant. Ever since then, we haven’t been on the same page. At times, I put in more effort, and other times she would. Eventually, I think she had enough. She was my best friend, lover, and support system. She was the love of my life. She’s done trying, but I’m not ready to let her go. How can I get her back?
Regretty Teddy
Teddy,
This is a tough one! There are two sides to a break-up, so it’s hard to diagnose a problem, and find a solution without hearing both sides.
When it comes to break-ups, women are more methodical and men are more spontaneous.
Men will break up on a whim. He’s going out of town for Spring Break. His friends don’t like his girlfriend. His girlfriend isn’t as hot as she used to be. She nags him about marriage. He thinks he can do better.
Women on the other hand, deal with things as long as possible. They see time spent as an investment. Four and one half years of teaching him how to dress like an adult. Four and one half years of supporting him while he finds himself. Four and one half years of staying home while he’s out with the boys. Four and one half years of grooming him for marriage.
Hell will freeze over before she’ll give up and let some woman swoop in and reap the benefits of all her hard work.
The thought of investing time in another guy is overwhelming. But the cons outweigh the pros. He’s never going to change, she’s still young, and she needs to cut her losses before it’s too late.
“This isn’t working anymore.” “I’m not happy.” “Things are never going to change.” “I’m done.”
The break-up was methodical. She thought about it and planned it for months, and in some cases, years. Don’t try and plead with her, you’ll seem desperate. She’s already emotionally, mentally, and physically separated herself. The best chance of getting her back is by being the best you. Show her it’s not only safe, but also smart to love you again.
Top 5 Ways of Becoming a Smart Investment
1. Hit the gym.
Look good and feel good about yourself.
2. Don’t date anyone for a while.
You’ll come off as a self-gratifying jerk.
3. Work hard.
Nail that promotion you’ve been wanting.
4. Start investing your money
Show her that you care about the future.
5. Give her space.
Send her a card for her birthday, but that’s it.
Love isn’t about finding someone that completes you. You need to be a complete person on your own. Become a smart investment for you.
Luck & Love, Toni
Wonderful advise !!!! You nailed how a woman really feels and deals with matters of the heart !!!
Yvonne–Thanks for the support! I just don’t think guys realize that when we finally reach that point, it’s over. There are some relationships that can be fixed after they’ve been broken, but not too many.
L&L
Toni
In my situation, I made the investment. She was starting dental school, and despite my goals to leave Texas long ago, I stayed to be with her because we were in love. I agonized over whether or not I should break things off for awhile, and she made an impulsive move after a mere month of forethought. Her decision was a wake-up call for me, and I feel I’ve finally come around to the idea of us being together forever, but now she is the one with doubts. We’re currently back together, and yesterday she remarked, “if you now and me from two months ago could have hung out, everything would be perfect.” To quote Camus, “hope is tantamount to resignation.” I suppose I resigned myself to her long ago.
A-It seems as though you found your mate. I wish you guys the best!
L&L
T