Ask Toni: Top 10 Signs That You’re Dating The Modern Married Man

Photo by Steve Visneau


Help!  I started seeing this guy that I met out a month ago.  Something about him doesn’t quite add up.  I’m starting to think he might be married.  It’s kinda awkward to bring it up out of the blue.  I need proof.  What are some signs to watch out for?

Possible Home-wrecker Heather


God gave us women’s intuition for a reason.  If you think he’s married, chances are he is.  There are plenty of men in the city.  No need to double up.

The good old days of being a chic mistress are over.  Women are independent now, and they don’t have to be another woman’s runner up.  So if your man turns out to be married, kick him to the curb.  You don’t need to take another woman’s man in order to feed your own ego.

Top 10 Signs That You’re Dating A Married Man:

1.     He has several phone numbers, but he only gave you one.

You should have access to all his numbers even if you don’t use them.

2.     He leaves the room to take phone calls.

Every time the phone rings he leaves the room, and you overhear him whispering outside.  This guy has something to hide.

3.     He never has you over to his house.

This means somebody else probably lives there or there’s something he doesn’t want you to see.

4.     He has two names on his car insurance. 

If you haven’t been to his house, then you can’t see his mail.  The next best thing is in the glove compartment of his car.

5.     He never answers your phone calls, and usually has to call you back.

Once in awhile, is natural, but if he does it all the time then he doesn’t want people to hear him talking to you.

6.     He takes you to the other side of town for dinner.

Who doesn’t like to try new places?  But going to Fort Worth for dinner is a bit too much.

7.     He showers after being with you, and often has a change of clothes in his car.

Either you smell funky, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell you or he doesn’t want to leave any evidence on him.

8.     He has your name programmed as something else on his phone.

If it says “Babe,” you’re golden.  If it says “Robert,” then you have a problem.

9.     He never introduces you to his family or friends.

Everyone has family and friends.  So, if you haven’t met any of his important people, then you aren’t one of them.

10.   He’s not spontaneous.

A man that has to keep up with his wife’s schedule and your schedule must be extremely detailed, and running out of hours in a day for spontaneity.

I’ll leave you with this ancient yet wise saying, “If they do it once, they’ll do it again.”

Luck & Love,



Filed under Ask Toni, Crave, Girl, What were we thinking?

7 responses to “Ask Toni: Top 10 Signs That You’re Dating The Modern Married Man

  1. A

    Apologies for being nitpicky, but with the proliferation of iPhones these days, there are far too many people who don’t answer their phone and call me right back. I have less trouble getting in touch with them via text message. I would eliminate that sign from your top 10.

  2. Katy

    In Texas, if a man says he is separated from his wife, it means that he hasn’t seen her since breakfast.

  3. Toni

    A–as a matter of fact, with the proliferation of cell phones in general, if a man is resorting to email or text then he’s DEFINITELY married.

    Katy–Couldn’t agree with you more! What happened to southern gentlemen?

  4. SB

    People are on their phones CONSTANTLY, so for someone to miss calls all the time, like Toni said, just doesn’t match up. AND, I think girls let guys get away with too much texting, and less actual talking. This list is a great reference tool!

  5. I read your list of ten things to watch out for and surpisingly 7 of those apply to my boyfriend. 6m I have been dating he as 3 cell phones,never been to his house,never met his friends,we only stay at hotels and he always shower after sex. And on weekends I don’t see him he never answers his cell phone. Now I know whAt I need to do dump him!

  6. sad

    I was very suspicious with the last guy I dated. I did a background check online and found out he was married. He tried to convince me that they were divorced but still living together until his son was out of college. I should have dumped him right then but didn’t. I allowed this to go one for four months and literally made myself sick over it…towards the end I would drink way too much just to have sex without thinking about it and then I couldn’t allow myself to treat myself this badly anymore. He never provided divorce papers and when I finally asked why I introduced him to my daughter and my people but he hadn’t introduced me to anyone in his family….he silently went away and I never heard from him after that. I wish I had been the one to walk away…I have his home number from the net and I contemplated calling his wife but it seems she must not care since he spent several nights away from home. I will never second guess my instincts or ignore what I find on the internet….

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