by Nicholas Bostick
Not since the great flood of Noah’s day has nature expressed its wrath towards man with such poetic force as, Sharknado. We here in Dallas may think we’re safe, what with our lack of surf-able oceans and sun soaked beaches. Experts however, disagree. Channel 8 meteorologist Pete Delkus tweeted his concern for our collective doom, and he’s on TV. Every. Day.
It’s time we stop taunting God and put our noses to the grind stone, we all have a personal responsibility plan for the worst possible outcome of all possible outcomes. Sharknado.
We here at CraveDFW however, are creatures of habit and comfort. It’s not a question for us of “Will a shark eat you?” during a Sharknado, but rather: Where do you want to go, one last time, before embracing the jaws of our new aquatic overlords?
So we’ve come up with a few ideas of where we’d like to spend our final shark soaked moments.
Five Sixty: Not only will you get the best view of the action from atop the 560 foot Reunion Tower, but it spins! Every time to look down upon the ruins of down town you’ll get a unique angle of Sharkageddon, but maybe don’t order the fish.
Dealey Plaza: When a meteor shower happens, one would think hanging out with astronomers would accentuate the excitement. When a Sharknado happens? Hang out with conspiracy theorists! Who’s that on the grassy knoll you ask? It’s a shark. Is that a man on the sixth floor of the book depository? Yes, he’s inside that great white! Bring a picnic lunch and a date for maximum enjoyment.
The Goat: Who wouldn’t want a drink at the end of the world? Get there early for their excellent happy hour specials and killer local blues that will guarantee enough salty tears in your beers, to glide that hammerhead straight to your face. Or just use it as a staging ground and ride out the storm on White Rock Lake.
Cowboys Stadium: The “House that Jerry built,” is another great choice for riding out the perfect storm. The retractable roof will take on a whole to level of excitement when the sharks eventually break through and take the field against America’s Team. Unfortunately you will probably still have to pay $15 for a beer, but maybe someone could convince the building manager to play Jaws on the jumbo-tron!
Belmont Hotel: Situated on the highest topographical point in Dallas, the Belmont will lay the expanse of downtown at your feet. Order a nice scotch on the rocks, light up a Cuban cigar your Canadian friend sent you and watch in horror as the Dallas skyline gets chomped away.