by Steven Doyle
A friend of ours, Aaron Hirsch-Perry, who just rolled his his new sauce line Bostonian BBQ is a pretty clever guy. And for a rather svelte gentleman he enjoys dining with a passion. His daily Facebook posts are rifled with incredible food shots, many cooked by himself, and others where he finds great dining around the country. Needless to say when Aaron is in or around Dallas we attempt to ply him with a bit of our local cuisine such as the chicken fried lobster from YO Ranch Steakhouse. He will deny it forever, but the Bostonian ravished the plate clean.
Recently Aaron was on a tirade in defense of the Halloween treat, candy corn. This is the much maligned sugar-flavored corn shaped candy that is an easy target for hipsters who seemingly prefer full-sized Hershey bars, Tix and other chocolaty confections. Candy corn is now relegated to the arts and crafts types who all own glue guns, and have a spectrum of glitter and rhinestones to add to their Halloween dioramas. However, our clever friend Aaron checked in to offer candies that might actually be much worse than candy corn. We have that list:
Not exactly sure where Aaron found these, but they appear to be some sort of jellied sugar fruit slices. These might possibly be the origins of Wilford Brimley’s diabetes fits.
Having tried these preciously wrapped strawberry candies in the past I can attest that these are only found in the bellows of your mother’s purse, along with a half stick of Wrigley’s Spearmint and a few fuzzy coins.
You will find this stash of hard candy at your grandmother’s home. It is the same colorful display she has presented since you were an infant. They are occasionally dusted for effect.
This batch of pink and white candy can only be described as entry level Mother’s Little Helpers.
Probably more suited for Christmas, ribbon candy is what bad little boys and girls get at the end of the year. The next step past ribbon candy is a staycation at juvenile hall.
Circus Peanuts? I call these clown poop.
And what can possibly be worse than candy corn than crisp Red Delicious laden with razor blades?
