Groen-ing, the New Planking

by Steven Doyle                                                                                                                       photo by Robert Bostick

Internet driven trends, or memes, have been sweeping the world in viral proportions and it nearly takes a handbook to keep up with such unusual antics as planking, owling and batting. It doesn’t take long to flip through your Facebook stream to find one or more of these unusual poses on someone’s wall. It’s a trend that even the most awkward can master merely with the use of a camera phone and a willing subject.

With that said we have sought out even more unusual memes, because posing as an owl is fast becoming a dated fad.

Enter a few of these actual memes such as pillaring, which is the act of standing up-right and still. Be cautioned that death and injuries have been reported surrounding pillaring incidents. Go figure. 

A disturbing alternative to planking that is current, but less sweeping is duecing. Delicately put, duecing is played out by squatting in a very public place, clothed and with a grimmacing look of pain. Props might include a newspaper or a crossword puzzle.

Another version is called cone-ing. This is where you order an ice cream cone in a drive-through window and instead of actually grabbing the treat by the bottom, you swiftly snag the cone by the top, creamy side. Playing off the fact that you have a handful of ice cream is essential. This is a trend we can stand behind during these times of 100+ degree temperatures.

Lamping and tea-cupping are more popular with the geriatric set, while tooth-picking and balling are generally performed by younger adults.

Here are a few trends we would like to make popular:

Shagging: A sexual pose while fully clothed and in the public.
Flying: Leaping in the air, catching a photo mid ‘flight’.
Moe-ing: A simulated smack on the head of a friend or neighbor while they feign pain.
Snaking: Posing on a floor in a snake-like position. Variations can include a cobra, viper or rattlesnake. Adam and Eve characters for extra points.
Spit-taking: Snapping a photo mid-spitting copious amounts of coffee or cola. Alcohol would just be a party foul.
Model-ing: Strike your best runway pose.
Fear-ing: Posing as if you are cooking. Lobster tacos preferably.
Groen-ing: Posing like a Simpson’s character.
Otis Redd-ing: Pose sitting on a dock, presumably by a bay.
Stube-ing: Wearing a captain’s hat, pose gallantly in a boat of any size ala Love Boat.
Send us a photo of your new version of planking and win a copy of the book Fearless Critic – Dallas. (Hey, it’s Friday and been a long week!)

1 Comment

Filed under Bacon, beer, Contest, In-N-Out, nipple clamps, Party!, Robert Bostick, Steven Doyle, Time Waster, What were we thinking?

One response to “Groen-ing, the New Planking

  1. You are a lunatic, Steve!

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